And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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