Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
