I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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