Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She bit a glass in half.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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