I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
