I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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