Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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