My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
