Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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