he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
