I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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