I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
