The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't want my vagina anymore.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
