In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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