Tell her she can't have a vagina
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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