She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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