watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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