my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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