for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
