It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I smell like Dick and happiness
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
