I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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