i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
