I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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