You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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