Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
