i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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