Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
