Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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