you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
