So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
