Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
