He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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