oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
