new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
