this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Two words: blizzard sex
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
