I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
