Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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