worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
