i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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