So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
