You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
