Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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