Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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