fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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