No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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