First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
