I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
