my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
