Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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