Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
