Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
