mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
