can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We're too hungover to prance.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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