i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
